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may 2025

hiiii this month's log is long as shit (smiles). both talking about my work and some fairly long reviews that stretch my list based format a bit. i've been feeling pretty creative in the sense that i'm creating things yay. i'm slowly working on an artzine for the machine beach vn, but i'm being a little lazy with the art. and if i join the toxic yuri vn jam (i'll decide once the theme is announced, because i don't have any ideas rn) that'll take some time away from it too. but i do think i'll be able to finish it in june. i'm gonna put it up for a couple dollars as a kind of dlc for the vn; i'm thinking of it as a bonus if you choose to tip me basically.

new on the site: "we need more metafictional porn": interrogating the implications of a tumblr reply yayy new short story! author's notes right after the links, they got pretty long and made the artlog structure weird. also, a couple movie reviews: a little more flesh (2020): what if immortality was dogshit, and a caress of the vampire review over at the lezv page.

and some fun links for you:

metaporn story: author's notes

this story was a lot of fun and took me bit longer than i expected because i kept getting sidetracked with research. i suppose a solid half of said research wasn't actually all that useful but i have a curious (and procrastinating) mind, and sometimes that means searching "erotic architecture" and seeing where that leads me (several online articles and a solid chunk of preciado's pornotopia, as well as skimming old playboy magazines [they have 60 years of them over at the internet archive]). the internet archive is really dangerous when you're as susceptible to nerd sniping as i am. but it's important to me that my work is reasonably academically sound when working within the pseudo essay framework, in particular when i'm in dialogue with absolute powerhouses like borges and danielewski. i always say bad media shouldn't remind you of their superior inspirations, because the audience will just wish they were engaging with those works instead, so if i'm explicitly referencing this stuff i better engage with it as well as i can.

honestly let me take more paragraphs to talk about this. because these little "sidequest researches" have been great and for structure's (and sometimes consistency's) sake i had to keep myself from linking stuff within the story; it's already doing a lot at once since i'm trying to both describe fictional works of metafictional erotica and actually write it, perhaps a needless challenge. for example, really late into writing it i found an article (more accurately a chapter from gender and contemporary horror in film) about gay porn parodies of horror movies that had me thinking whether or not porn parodies are inherently metafictional (i decided against it — to me they're definitely in conversation with the original work, but intertextuality does not metanarrative make — but i could be swayed). it also had me pondering whether i should watch halloweiner: friday the fuckteenth and bonesaw.

in short: i'm calling it the metaporn short story because it follows the footsteps of borges' pseudo essays, but it sprouted from the kind of exploration you see in my marrow posts / articles / essays. i wouldn't say it's grounded on research, not necessarily, but there were several pdfs involved and i should have kept track of them.

some more specific notes

maybe read the story before reading these! for context and also there's a little pun i'd like to keep under wraps ^_^

click here to jump past the "spoilers" if you're in a hurry. do read the story though!

1) the play is a format i've been really wanting to explore but i don't really do characters, as i think is pretty clear from my work. the stage managers are lifted from our town, very much a metanarrative work. as a fun fact, i've a role i actually played as a teenager — we split them into two characters like i did here. i wasn't very excited for this play (i don't remember how or why we chose it) but it turned out to be one of my favorite roles, i think it suited me well.

2) while penthouse of leaves is what i most wish was real, my favorite part is the sacred sheep passage. it was a last minute addition (originally it was a shorter entry in the same style as the first one, meant as a "something about this is taboo but we can't know exactly what without further context" example), and i think it works well as a piece of flash fiction, plus i got to use some repetition that i've been wanting to incorporate in my writing since reading a paixão segundo g. h..

3) speaking of penthouse, i browsed through a bunch of magazines on the internet archive — varying degrees of quality i'll tell you that much. there's a lot over there. kutt #3 is my favorite and mostly what i picture for my fake mag, i wish i could find issues 1 and 2 as well. also of note is ball club quarterly #28 specifically because i found this ad for a porno on vhs on page 6 ("nick gets it good") a pretty compelling example of writing that's both purely descriptive and erotic: it's effectively a list of what goes on in the tape but also not dry — it has to be clear but sell the thing as hot. cathedrals everywhere for those with eyes to see.

4) the part about blank narcissus (passion of the swamp) was a v1.1 patch type thing. as much as i love that short it somehow escaped my mind as i was so focused on literature. i mention it fairly often, but once again, definitely recommended but i don't think you can find it for free anywhere... i myself can't rewatch it anymore... it's on mubi. btw the boys in the sand (1971) director commentary is on archive.org if you're interested in one of its inspirations, but it's really not the same thing — the short is very dreamy in visuals and at 12 minutes it's very condensed; the movie is 70 minutes and while the commentary is fairly interesting i think that much sex can get pretty monotonous and boring.

art

charcoal drawing. a small abstract object protudes from the plain. charcoal drawing. two vertical objects hold up a wider, darker one. charcoal drawing. three abstract objects lean against each other on a plain. charcoal drawing. a large abstract object lies upon a smaller one, draping it in thin tendrils. charcoal drawing. a dark abstract object covers another, lighter one, with thin tendrils. charcoal drawing. a plain. two dark abstract objects penetrate a translucent one, curling upwards.

bunch of tiny canvases, i got ten at once and should probably have gone with twenty instead, i can bang out a few of these in a very short time. maybe i should be focusing on zooming into surface detail rather than composition but ehh. i like making the backgrounds...

media

games

i basically just started lorelei and the laser eyes (2024) and have been enjoying it greatly... it's exactly the type of shit i like for puzzles. small detail but i really like that it can be played with just the left hand too, rsi friendly.

movies and series

books and manga

reading reloj de arena by enrique anderson imbert. really interesting to introduce yourself to an author through a hundred pairs of short story summaries. cool juxtapositions here.


see you soon!

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