january 2025

and if you can believe it i've had a very optimistic early 2025! i don't think i've ever felt a new year be so... impactful? it truly felt like a fresh start. i'm not saying it was because i stayed up to watch the very first sunrise at the beach, all while being painfully vulnerable with friends, but damn that sets a certain tone, doesn't it?

anyway january was long as shit so we're basically in mid 2025 by now. still feel mostly good though. except for the bad days.

new on the site: everything i didn't play in 2024.

rodem the wild. what a fascinating little game.
quality of life. see also the mechanics of a metroidvania are tools, not the destination
the case against gameplay loops. very game focused this month, both this and the qol article were sent to me by my friend as a continuation of our discussion of Game Design being treated as a separate avenue of analysis — and one with Objectively Correct or Better ways of doing things — than like critical analysis of games as texts. and stuff. at a lovely morning at the beach. look i don't love the beach but i could get used to this (i actually need to go to bumfuck nowhere hang by a river with no light pollution for a bit probably).

art

suggestive

drawing of a nude woman straddling a large robot hanging from a ceiling. text reads 'feliz 2025!'

happy lesbian robot sex year!

very dark charcoal drawing. an abstract object straddles another.

charcoal drawing. two twisted abstract objects lean against each other. asemic writing below.

charcoal drawing. an object in bondage, leashed off canvas.

charcoal drawing. an abstract object penetrates a slit on another.

charcoal drawing. two small abstract objects rub against one another upon a plain.

charcoal drawing. two forked objects rub tips. a larger object rubs against both of their forks.

charcoal drawing. two objects bound together by a ring.

charcoal drawing. a small object leans against a larger one, with spikes at one end.

getting really into charcoal ^_^ these are all on canvas which isn't really cost effective but it is my favorite support. i don't really have a good solid base for my easel because i'm too lazy to go the furthest grocery store to see if i can find a good cardboard box to cut up. and then walk back home with said cardboard box. anyway i always loved charcoal despite barely touching it since my figure drawing classes... its state between drawing and painting really suits me, i can work at a breakneck pace, and i think the look works very well for the plain.

by the way i'm doing all of these seated on an off white loveseat. it has escaped paint stains so far but charcoal is a lot more insidious. well tough luck. if this ever becomes officially mine it's getting reupholstered in leather.

digital pastel painting. a black pegasus soars in a pale pink sky, above grass hills dotted with white stone ruins.

commission for teddy2008 on flightrising.

media

games

misericorde volume two: white wool & snow (2024): holy fucking shit. what an awesome sequel to an awesome game. more blurring between realism and fantasy (i'm STILL not sure how supernatural this mystery is! i want to think it's fully rational but i also think it cannot be so), more interpersonal conflict and drumroll please... LESBIANS! specifically it's quite good at writing the tension between desire and repression, i really love the tone and i think hedwig becomes even more relatable to me as someone who was deep in denial at a time i was surrounded by some pretty forward sapphics... also angela's characterization is very very good mwah. yeah i need volume three nowwwww
umineko when they cry (2010? it's kinda complicated i think): the time has come. honestly if it didn't have its reputation i'd have bounced off an hour in because good god what a glacial pace.
solar ash (2021): um. so i've been eyeing this game since launch because i loved hyper light drifter and now i finally got around to it and... i'm a bit disappointed and frustrated. something i didn't know before going in is that the boss battles are much closer to shadow of the colossus than what you'd expect from a 3d platformer and this was really really exciting until i got to phase 3 of the first boss (and then the second boss) and Realized the similarities are purely superficial, and what we have here is pretty unpleasant to play. the way they require flawless execution makes them feel like save scumming / bruteforcing. a shame really. though tbh i also started to get sick of the aesthetic and pseudo epistolary storytelling, but that might be me being too mean out of frustration with the bosses.

movies and series

nosferatu (2024): nosfyyyy! movie was pretty good with great performances across the board but some surprisingly underwhelming visuals. in particular i found the cgi to be a little dubious at times. nothing that gets in the way, and orlok is awesome bc he's mostly practical, but the outdoor shots really suffered imo, they just look fake in a bad way. it's also a very supernatural kind of movie, which i mean duh but sometimes i forget that vampires count as supernatural if that makes sense. but uh overall i think it's not eggers at his best and that it really could have used a narrower focus. because it'd have been a much stronger movie if it centered ellen more, especially if it went full on erotic horror. (tangent: needless to say i found myself wishing for a orlok type dyke in media. honestly we don't even really have the lugosi-dracula type, but something monstrous would just be awesome.) all in all it's a very safe adaptation and i had higher hopes.
friday the 13th part vii: the new blood (1988): good god this movie has some of the most stilted performances and editing i've seen in a while, and they're like one of those dysfunctional couples that make each other worse. damn they made a teen (?) girl with psychokinetic powers relating to her emotional state boring! and while jason's rotten design is mostly nice (until they remove his mask at least), they got completely rid of his shred of personality from part vi. the supernatural powers thing doesn't work for me and makes the confrontations dull and static, the pace is awkward, the expected tropes of "car breaks down", "there's sex" and "hehe a stoner" feel particularly trite and souless, like the writers were checking boxes. idk the movie kinda feels like paperwork. boo hiss. girlies i'm starting to think this franchise is bad...
the omen (1976): thog don't caare. tbh. could not get into it and i think it was in part because i'm so familiar with good omens, in part because i think the antichrist is just kind of a lame narrative device. also child actors are always a gamble and having the antichrist be 6 really isn't helping things. you never get a sense that he might be an actual person with thoughts and emotions and relationships to his family along with his satanic instincts or whatever, it's not like regan in the exorcist (1973). a guy is decapitated by a sheet of glass though so that's pretty cool.
severance (2022-): oughhhhh baby i missed my friends from lumon so bad!
conann (2023): oh this is porn. this is straight up pornography !! jokes aside what a spectacular movie, in a very literal sense. this is pure style as substance. incredible practical effects and prosthetic work. nadja from the eponymous lesbian vampire movie is here, as a dog devil with said incredible prosthetics. honestly this is the kind of weird cinema i live for. i miss my state sponsored mubi subscription...
the first omen (2024): not to be a goth but the habits in this movie are gorgeousssss. all the costumes really. um and so is luz omg. and this movie is the reason why i watched the omen (1976) in the first place. i don't remember who recommended it (if it was personal or just A Post) but i can see why! i quite like nell tiger free's performance, and i think that was probably mentioned else i wouldn't recognize her name. hope to see her again in more horror movies. as for this one, it falls into scary nun territory a bit in a couple spots (nuns being prostrate are fine!!) but mostly works. i think immaculate (2024) might have been a better birth of the antichrist movie but it's better than the movie it's a prequel to so there's that. idk. margaret could have been better explored as a character and i think the pacing leaves a little to be desired. overall it's stylish and has good ideas but doesn't dig deep enough into them, despite having two hours to do so.
friday the 13th part viii: jason takes manhattan (1989): ok so i can't judge this one accurately because i was in vc with a girl and absolutely wasted off catuaba. idk what happened but it was a bad weekend for my alcohol tolerance. but i think it's an above average entry in the franchise for whatever that's worth, even though there's barely any fucking manhattan in it — "jason takes a boat" would be a much more accurate title and it'd still slap anyway — so uh yeah. once again it's noticeably not super gory, but jason's creative and reasonably funny so it beats the trenches of part iii
the exorcist iii (1990): this movie is awesome. i think the original exorcist is boring as hell but thankfully this is more of a standalone sequel. great cast (george c. scott of dr strangelove fame! brad dourif!) and nice long still shots... shame about the reshoots and stuff because yeah the exorcism climax really doesn't work as well as the rest of the movie.
a virgin among the living dead (1973): ahh nothing like a movie with a million different release versions where you'll never be able to be sure you're watching the one you want, much less find the matching captions. from the runtime i believe i watched the christina, princess of eroticism version but i had to watch the shitty english dub because every single caption i downloaded was drifting badly (i really wish i understood french, it'd be very useful for the kind of movies i watch). anyway the movie is just very scattered. i've seen it described as surreal and dream like or whatever but i think while it has some such moments it's just overall messy with no clear identity or focus. it really reminded me that i've been meaning to rewatch let's scare jessica to death.
damned if you don't (1987): awesome.
megalopolis (2024): it's bad in such a unique over the top way. i think watching this wizard high would kill you. it's also plagued by very classic sexism, this movie does not like women. the story is pretty simple but turned incoherent since it's just so messy. the costumes (well. the men's mostly due to the aforementioned misogyny) slayyyyy though!! great stuff mixing modern suits with details evoking togas and cloaks. in some ways it's like cocomelon. i think. that's just something you could say. uh yeah. megaflopolis 👍.

books and manga

sexo no cotidiano (carmita abdo): very nothing. i was looking to read more about sexology and thought it'd be a good starting point but it's just faaaar too shallow. idk who it's for honestly
bury your gays (edited by sofia ajram): god i hate short story anthologies. the inconsistency fucks my flow. and i think this selection and order is particularly bad. there's far too many gay men clumped together and imo those are the weakest stories in here, somewhat coming across as tumblr fodder with unclear themes. yes i feel like being mean to them, perhaps unfairly so, but there's only so many men having a bad time i can take before getting bored off my gourd. in any case, you can tell why gretchen felker-martin is the biggest name here (well there's cassandra khaw too); sardines is very good. zero tolerance has a good premise but somewhat muddled themes — i think it relies a bit too much on its final twist without really earning it because the story isn't really about codependence so it doesn't gel. lowlight is filthy animals for its actually worrying association between drug use and literally becoming a beast (i do believe it's more the narrator's view than the author's but it didn't sit well with me, i don't think it's really clear that the narrator views himself as One Of The Good Gays so it just feels mean)
the counter-sexual manifesto (paul b. preciado): finally reading some preciado for real (i don't remember why i dropped testo junkie pretty early), this one specifically came recommended to me for its potential dialogue with my master project / the plain! it's really good...
oyasumi punpun (inio asano): i don't knowwww. it's pretty good and original but i felt distant from it, emotionally. never really connected.
welcome to dorley hall (alyson greaves): i simply devoured this book, could not put it down. i just really liked the characters and found the whole setting so compelling. while i can't comment on the transfem perspective and am not familiar with tg/tf and forcefem fiction, i can tell it's a real thoughtful exploration of the fantasy and what it'd mean in reality, as well as, through dorley hall's past, metacommentary on forcefemming as humiliation. it's a very smooth read but far from being empty calories. absolutely recommended.
the secrets of dorley hall (alyson greaves): of course i had to start on the sequel immediately and it's just as gripping. it's more dorley hall, getting deeper into the story as well as having a bunch more pov characters which i always always love! and this is a word i don't love using but these books are honestly rather cozy. everyone's fucked up in the head and traumatized but they're alive and kicking so maybe some of it will rub off on me. idk. this is an awesome series.
whipping girl (julia serano): truly is that good of a book and it really puts into perspective how cooked some of the transandrophobia truther / tmra gender discourse is that it has already been thoroughly dissected in 2007. they weren't kidding this should be mandatory reading before going online.
the shape of sex: nonbinary gender from genesis to the renaissance (leah devun): i don't knowww it seems to me like this book is trying to put together a timeline of pretty distinct "realms" as if they were part of a continuum... views of adam as a single sexed individual, xenophobic and racist third sexing, medical and surgical opinions on intersex people, and the alchemical androgyne aren't all quite describing the same concept! i don't really know much about any of these topics (that's why i read the book) but i don't think conflating all of them under "nonbinary sex" is the best way to discuss sex and gender in the medieval period. this really is less about intersex and androgynous people and more an overview of third sexes in the abstract — even the chapter on surgery leans more towards the conceptual than the practical, in my opinion. each chapter in isolation is pretty interesting but i think the topic ends up spread too thin.

i think i'm gonna start on nicked or the corner that held them. monastery time B)

see you soon :)

index